The Wonderings of Jack Coving - Rolling with the Times

For those of you who don't know me, I'm Jack "Mother-Fucking" Coving: 

Divorced, desolate and drunk; sitting in a shoebox flat, which houses only a child's sized bed, a worn hotplate and a drippy tap. I drink hard, I fuck hard, I write hard. I couldn't tell you when I last had a shave or a vegatble that wasn't encased in batter.

Annie was my first wife and is a good woman, don't let our divorce pit you against her, she put up with a lot; I didn’t get my name for no reason, you know. Fuck, I saw the devil himself rise inside Annie the day she caught her mother, Maura, and I going at it on the kitchen counter. She ran me out of the house bollock naked, Eileen next door got a good gawk and all.

Even Annie laughs about it now,  offering up three-ways with herself and Maura... At least I think she's joking. No wonder she'd be laughing though, she got everything in the divorce but like I said, don't hold that against her.

That's the gist, my friends. Anything else that I have to say is fairly grim. I invite you now to pull up a seat, help yourself to some fine burboun and relax as we meander hand in hand through my wonderings.

Rolling with the Times
Am I alone in feeling like I’m stuck in some sort of time warp? Whenever I hear idiocy spewing from an ignorant bigoted mouth, I vomit violently in protest; after consuming enough Doctor Jack Daniels good medicine to wash all memory of said hate fuelled comment. Why can’t you chill the fuck out and roll with it? You’ll be a lot happier for it. The world is moving at an alarming pace and time waits for no-one but some of my fellow citizens insist on trying to latch us into our guilt riddled, God loving past. Rehashing old sentiments with feigned political and social knowledge, usually concluding that it’s for the good of the kids; “won’t somebody think of the children” Scream the Helen Lovejoys of the world. Proceeded by “I am not sexist/racist/homophobic but “insert offensive comment

We are supposed to be a refined, educated first world country. Can we please, for the sake of our international reputation and my own selfish fucking sanity start acting like it? In relation the latest “controversy” over equal marriage rights, The Boston Globe are reporting us as a deeply Catholic country. This saddens me immensely because it is true, when it suits of course. Hard core “No” campaigners are using people’s faith and spirituality to manipulate and scare monger simply so they can seize the chance to display their God given superiority and righteousness over the “sinners”. Innate claims of not allowing gay people to marry because it is harmful to children must have been whispered to you by the Lord himself, as I have yet to find actual, factual evidence to back up your claims.

Have you considered a child’s point of view? How many children’s opinions have you gathered? There are no two ways about it. Denial of equal rights will only lead to discrimination and hate.

Let’s consider the children a moment: The child with two gay parents; Look that child in the eyes and tell him his parents are going to hell for loving each other but before they go to meet the devil, they will first endure a life of hate because we, as devout Catholics, do not see them as equal.

Now turn to the kid and his two straight parents. Without much reason as to why, you tell him if he wants to get into heaven, he needs to be a hate filled bigot. Leave compassion behind little child and hate for no reason.

Now turn to the gay kid. We might as well just start calling him a faggot now, I’m sure it will scare the nasty case of the gays right out of him or at least prepare him for his future.

Whether you’re claiming to believe in equality but… or are blatantly screaming the F word, either way; the results are the same, you are homophobic. At least admit it.

After quickly unraveling the shoddily woven children argument, out comes the sanctity of marriage argument and how it will be undermined by allowing people of the same gender to marry.

I’m pretty sure I shat all over the institute of marriage the day Maura came quivering on my lap. The same can be said for all those through the ages that married for wealth, power and status. It’s not only the gays that can fuck up marriage. My fellow heterosexuals have been perfecting the destruction of a happy marriage for centuries now.

Ironically, being an atheist, has made me become a better Christian, distinctly following the nice teachings of the church, Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, The good Samaritan and the general stories of Jesus helping whores and the sick.

What’s so wrong about two people who love and care for each other, wanting to devote themselves to one and other? I think Jesus would be down with that. After all, isn’t that what Religion is all about? Feeling like we apart of this together? Making the world nicer for each other? Exercising your power and influence to help those who are the most vulnerable? That’s what Jesus would do. When did it become all righteous and aggressive?

For those of you who are using your God as a reason to deny people their basic rights, I respectfully ask you to stop. There’s no place in the world for that prejudice thinking. Two people of the same gender spending their lives together; happily married has absolutely no bearing on your day-to-day life. You have no God given right to deny them their happiness. Just let go of the fear and the hate and roll with the times. God will most definitely go with it.

As a wise priest once pondered, himself “And what about not eating meat on Fridays? How come that’s OK now but it wasn’t back then? Did people who ate meat on Fridays back then all go to hell or what? I mean, it’s mad.”  -Father Dougal Mcguire, Father Ted

My friends, you are still with me! You stuck it out. It has been a pleasure; however, my glass has become empty, as has my cupboards. Quarter past ten, I’ll just make it to the shop. I will go replenish my stores and then we shall talk some more. ‘til my return, my friends, I bid you adieu.

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©Sarah O'Regan
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